Must Be February

Well I kind of just dropped off the face of the earth this month.  Totally unintentional!  February is the month when people start to get discouraged and they feel stagnant in their workouts, the number on the scale, the food their eating.  And that's where we lose another chunk of people who decided to dedicate this year to themselves.  It's sad to see but I have to say this year with the Shrinking Jeans FB group, there's a whole lot less of that happening because people are being honest about when they fall.  They are asking for the help and motivation to keep going and it's working!  That all being said, let's dive into my last few weeks.

I started off the month really strong with two back to back bike rides that were well over 10 miles each.  By Superbowl Sunday, I was on the verge of a major head cold that knocked me down.  I missed 3 days of work, I rested, I ate soup and drank lots of liquids, I did EVERYTHING that I should have to get better.  Fast forward to the middle of the next week.  I dragged myself to one of those fancy Healthcare walk-in places at Walgreens and I'm told I've developed an acute case of bronchitis.  (I literally can't breathe when I'm walking or talking too much).  So I walk away from there with an inhaler to help but nothing else.  AAAAAAAnd fast forward to Sunday of this week.  I'm having stomach pains.  Pain that I'm not familiar with and I'm well acquainted with pain in my abdomen...  So I blow it off and assume it's just an upset tummy.  Monday morning rolls around and I couldn't get out of bed for work. So I called in, and went back to sleep.  After 18 hours of sleep, I decided it was time for the ER.

6 hours, a doctor shift change, and several tests later, no answers.  I have some sort of stomach infection but since they can't narrow it down, they can't give me anything for it... WHAT? #annoyedmuch?  So I'm home until today and I have to go back to work tomorrow, but I'm not feeling any different.  I had to follow the liquid diet to the B.R.A.T. diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast for those who aren't parents like me and didn't know).  I'm dabbling in real food today because I'm literally starving.  I ate nothing on Monday and my total calories yesterday were just over 700.  So I tried some oatmeal with my toast.  My hunger pangs are happy but my stomach and abdomen still hurt.  If it continues while I work the last two days of the week I will have to figure out where to go from there.

So!  Because I've been up and down sick for the last 3 weeks, I feel like a total slacker and failure.  I stopped the calendar workout, I stopped taking my photo a day, I haven't walked outside of what I can at work, I biked on Sunday, but not very far...  I am resting.  And at this point it legit sucks.  I'm tired of it.  I feel like all the weight I'm losing is new muscle I've just recently built up...  When do I get a break from the ick?

Today was Wed Weigh In and I'm now down 18.8lbs since Jan 1st.  I've lost 9 pounds since Feb 1st and none of it was lost in a healthy way.  I know that it's not ideal, but once I can eat real meals again, I'll do everything I can to keep it off and start from there doing all the healthy stuff again.  Pardon my sickly look :)

 Once I'm back up and going strong again, I may pick up all my tracking and motivation, but for now it's all pretty much stopped.  I'm still tracking on MFP but that's about all I'm doing since there's too much ick and not enough healthy moments this month.  Thanks to everyone who has showed concern.  I appreciate the well wishes.  Hope everyone else is still going strong!

Wed Weigh in (a day late)

As all of us know, life just gets in the way sometimes and I have not been very consistent with my posts, but this week my sickness threw a bigger wrench in it.  I took a bike ride last week in overcast, chilly weather.  While all of you on the east coast are laughing at me, it's been several years since I lived in Flagstaff.  Down here in Phoenix I like my heat because it treats me better.  So I biked.  I pushed myself and it was windy to boot!

End result?  A severe head cold that's had me on my butt.

Now, with me being sick, I've been trying to be the good person, taking care of myself, and resting.  It went pretty well for the most part.  Tuesday I had to get out and move because my back was just super tight.  But I overdid it and walked 2.75 miles.  I was fine for most of it, but I was not feeling well and ended up calling in from work again Wednesday.

So Wed rolls around and I slept.  And slept.  Rest.  I know I know.  I need it but I just hate it.  If I have to be home, I'm usually glued to my computer, but I was even too sick to do that.  When I finally DID wake up, I weighed in to find out I have dropped another 2.6 pounds!

(my apologies for looking sick and the cat butt that's ALWAYS in my face in the mornings)

I spent the day sipping on my awesome Green Chile Chicken Soup because I'm sick and tired of Chicken Noodle. I also caught up on my Love Handles Calendar as well as the planksgiving calendar because I hate to just leave days behind no matter how I'm feeling.  But that was the extent of my movement yesterday.

Today I went back to work and let me tell you, 3:30am when you're sick is not a happy day.  It was a rough day and thank goodness we ran out of work and got sent home.  I've never been so happy to be at home in my jammies.  I can't remember the last time I was this sick and miserable.  Don't get head colds, they suck!

I'm going to do my best to continue to take it sorta easy.  I know I'm dropping weight from being sick and I'm not terribly happy about losing it that way, but it is what it is.  As long as I keep it off the right way I guess I'll take it.  Here's to listening to our bodies and making sure we stay safe and as healthy [as we can] when sick!

Dear Me 2015

Last year one of the first things the Sisterhood had us do was write a letter to ourselves to read at the beginning of the next year.  I have to say I've been pretty scared to go back and read mine because I know that most of it didn't actually come true.  I was worried that I would be discouraged and disappointed in myself.  Well, it's now Feb 1st and it's been too long.  I needed to read my letter and write another for 2015.

I must say that my anticipation of bad feelings kind of took all the feelings away while reading the letter.  I DID graduate from ASU and I have been slowly keeping up with my recipe blog.  But as for everything else, none of it happened.  But that's ok.  To steal from a very wise person (that's me!)... Our favorite saying to live by:  No Regrets.  After another year, it still holds true and we just learn from our experiences.

I wouldn't give up anything I learned or lived through in 2013 but it just wasn't my year.  This year I feel I have a much better handle on things.  THIS is my year. 2015 will be the year I read this new letter and I can beam with pride that things came true!  On to my letter!

Dear Me,

Life is funny sometimes with the curveballs that get thrown.  There are road blocks and pot holes.  But with each passing one, you become stronger.  2014 was the year for you.

Friendships were made, some were lost.  Bonds with family were made stronger and some were torn a little farther apart.  With each relationship change, you have grown a thicker skin while keeping the soft, caring interior that draws you to others.  Everything happens for a reason and the people in your life right now are meant to be there.

When it comes to weight, 2014 was the year to not put a number on things.  Hopefully you've managed to keep off the 10% and then some!  As long as you're at a healthy weight, why put a number on it?  If anything, you're totally rockin' a toned and hot bod!

As of now, there are no plans to leave Express Scripts.  You should be an awesome Pharmacy Tech by now, making AT LEAST $14 an hour.  If this isn't true, then that means you got a REAL job and that's awesome too!  The main goal monetarily in 2014 is to reduce debt so you better have those credit cards paid off and have a good chunk of money in savings!

I know you've had an amazing year with lessons, fun, and trials.  You are better for it and it builds who you are.  Who you become every day.  You're amazing whether goals were met or not because you are trying.  You didn't give up on yourself.  You inspire me to be a better person.

Love, Me

Jan in Rearview, Feb up Ahead

Wow!  Can you all believe it's February already?!?!  I certainly can't!  It's been such a long yet short month!  It's been interesting with its ups and downs, tears and cheers, love and hate, accomplishments and weak moments.

Let's start out with the Shrinking Jeans Challenges I participated in!

*Bootcamp - This is the one I had to completely give up due to a knee injury but I made it through week 2 day 2 and loved every minute of it!  I might revisit it once I'm up to it!

*Jan Calendar Challenge - I rocked this!  I have never gotten to the end of one of their monthly calendars!  While I had to omit the squats at the end (again, because of my knee issue) I stayed strong and knocked out the pushups in creative ways.  Since I could no longer do them on my knees, I alternated real push ups with tricep dips to help strengthen my arms for the "pushing back up" motion.

*Sisterhood Shots - I did not make it every day.  I skipped 2 pictures but again, this is the most I've ever accomplished on this type of challenge as well!

Here's my Before and After pictures :)

Before right at midnight on the 1st.  With the help of Zach, I took about 16 pictures and this is the best of them all :)  At this point in time, I was walking a few miles a week, mostly at work and not really striving to do more.  We were eating out a lot due to it being my last semester/graduation/holidays!  I was also at the heaviest I've ever been at just over 200lbs.









Yesterday, I chose to ride in the nice, chilly overcast weather for a 10.6 mile bike ride to get my cardio in.  I am doing REAL pushups.  While I can't do a lot, I'm still getting in at least 20 real ones a day during my every hour goal at work.  At the last Wed Weigh in, I was down 10.8 pounds for the month of January.  It seems my weight loss has started to even out to the 1-2lb range every week which is fine with me.  It's a journey, not a race.  Due to my knee issues, I started biking very actively and continue to walk 2 miles every day at work. :)



On to my personal January Goals:

• #1 goal was pushups.  I've mentioned several times above that I have graduated to real pushups (kinda by force not choice) but hey, I'll take it!!!  They're really hard and I struggle with every set and some days I don't feel like I get nearly enough of a burn versus the girly pushups where I could bust out 20 an hour no problem...  But it's all about progress :)
• Walking 5 days a week - This one was a no brainer.  Super easy for me to accomplish because I sacrifice my break and my 30 min lunch to walk in circles around the parking lot totaling 2 miles 5 days a week!  I do some walking on weekends too but now that I'm biking, I prefer to do that on weekends so Zach can come with me.
• Motivation - I must say that my level of motivation has stayed pretty consistent this time around.  I never felt burnt out but there were days I struggled.  The support I've received has been tremendous and makes such a huge difference!  I'm looking forward to another active and productive month!
• Last but not least, Eating at Home! - I set a goal to eat at home 5 days a week.  No matter what meal, if it wasn't from my kitchen it counted as eating out.  The only exception to this rule was Jamba Juice.  I did not count it as eating out because I feel it's a legit healthy meal that doesn't need to be avoided or altered to meet my dietary needs.  It was a huge success!  Now that school is over, I have a lot more time to get back in the kitchen to do what I love, cook.  :)  Zach has been a lot happier with the spread of food in the fridge too!!

 My Overall Goals:

• Bathing suit - still not going to happen yet.  I have a confession.  After losing my 11lbs, I saw myself for the changed person I am for about 2 days.  I have now started to see myself as overweight again because this is close to the weight I was last year when I started my challenges.  I know I've done an amazing job and I'm sticking to everything and I'm staying strong.  But we all have our weaknesses and I guess mine is still recognition of hard work.
• Loving myself - I want to be comfortable in my own skin.  Again, let's just read above : /  I did, I felt super amazing and fabulous for a few days.  But that gut just creeps into my head and makes me second guess all that I've done.  I'm working on this and slowly learning to love me.  Love me inside and out.  It's hard, but worth my time and effort.
• 10% - As a pre-diabetic, it's recommended to lose AT LEAST 10% of your current weight if you're in an unhealthy weight range.  I'm super happy to say that I've lost  5.5% of my overall weight!  That puts me over half of that goal and that makes me closer to being healthy and not at risk to develop full blow diabetes!
• 5k - This plan is still on hold.  I'd like to find and develop a few more muscles before I attempt the couch25k training again.  Don't want another hip flexor flare up again because it prevented me from working out at all for almost a month!  I am currently signed up for 2 (soon to be 3) 5ks all before June and will most likely walk all of them.  I hope to start the c25k in march if not a little later.  It's all up to my body and how it responds to certain workouts!
• My workout jar! - This one is what I'm most proud of right now.  I only missed 2 days of working out 30 mins or more in the month of January!  That means I'm sitting on 29 smackaroons!  WOOOO!  What a great start!
• Yoga - I put this on the back burner since I have a workout buddy and we are active 3 days a week after work.  I try to workout with Zach both weekend days, so I try to take it a little easy on myself on my off days (but still workout).  I will still hopefully pursue, but it's not a major priority right now.

And that's January in a nutshell!  On to February and what it will bring!

The Sisterhood has put up another new calendar challenge as well as a second month of sisterhood shots!  I look forward to both!!

I am also currently taking part in a 50 Miles in February challenge.  I have chosen to shoot for 100 as a personal goal!  They have a Facebook page as well as a FB group where you can post your miles every day for encouragement!  Here's my calendar to keep track:

I've also started tracking my measurements on the first of every month.  I took January's late, but from here on out, it will be super fun to see the numbers change!

So my February goals:

• 100 miles - I can walk, run, jog, swim, bike, crawl, or anything else!  As long as I'm putting it in as exercise, not just day to day steps.
• Bike 4 times a week - I'm not sure how feasible this is but I feel it's a fun goal to shoot for!  I'm really enjoying my time on the bike.  It's just SO much faster than walking so I get to see more scenery while I'm out and about.  It's really good for my knees and my muscles are screaming at me currently but man it's an amazing cardio workout!  I hope it improves my breathing for when I do get around to the c25k!
• Planks - I know for a fact my core muscles are super weak so I'd like to work on that.  I know this month's calendar has side planks, but I will be doing last years Planksgiving calendar.  This will help me with my pushups as well!

• I'm continuing my hourly pushups/tricep dips.  I will slowly increase the numbers as I'm able to.  I'm currently alternating 5 real pushups and 10 tricep dips.

Well I think I've talked your eyeballs off so I'll wrap it up!  Here's me on Feb 1st, sick as a dog from biking in yesterday's weather, but ready to take on the month!  I wish all of you luck on your goals and congrats on all the changes and accomplishments in January!  This is THE YEAR!  There are so many people in my life making these life changes and I'm blessed to be able to participate.

Bringing it on in Week 4

Boy what a week it has been and I can't tell you all how much I look forward to a fresh one!  I was successful, I made myself proud, I injured myself, and I rested.

Here's last week's chart :)

I went out to Chili's to celebrate my 10 pounds lost and managed to eat really healthy!  I even passed on the chips and salsa (just an fyi, my absolute FAVORITE in the entire world outside of my own...)  The next night was New Mexican cuisine with the family.  Every other night I was kickin' it with my kitchen!  I have to say now that I have a chunk of time spent on MFP, I don't find it hard at all to track my calories!!  I hit my 5 days of walking but as usual, slacked on weekend water...  As far as pushups go... Wednesday is when I started to feel more pain in my knee.  So I took it kind of easy on Thursday.  On Friday I alternated real pushups and tricep dips.  Saturday, I sat on my injured butt and took it easy!

I am trying to take things one day at a time with this injury.  I was very pleased to find that after months of no bike rides, all my walking and working out has paid off.  All those muscles I woke up and developed made a huge difference to my experience.  Biking is really good for knee injuries and so I went out today with Zach!  We took care of all kinds of errands and hit healthy pit-stops along the way!  Jamba Juice for breakfast and Subway for lunch :)

 At the end of my 16.7 mile ride :)

That all said and done, I'm trying to assess what I can and can't do.  I will continue to walk at work and I will start biking more.  I had to give up the Boot Camp as well as this month's calendar. :(  This is the best I've ever done in these challenges but it's better to be safe than sorry!

I also had a 24 day workout streak before I had to take a legitimate rest day where I did NOTHING.  I didn't even break 4000 steps for the day!  But I feel it was just what I needed.

Looking forward to next month's 50 mile challenge and I've already printed out my pretty calendar where I can record my miles each day!

I think I will start focusing more on planks and abs in the coming month while I take it easier on my knee.  I will continue to do pushups and tricep dips at work every day/every hour. :)

It's all about mindset.  All about finding what you had all along.  I'm still terrified and utterly sad about this injury.  That doesn't make me any less awesome or strong.  I WILL NOT let this injury define me again.  I will keep going but this time around I hope there will be more answers.  Thank you to everyone with kind words and those that took the time to read about it.  The support means more than you all could possibly know.

Feeling Broken Inside

This post is going to be a little of the past and a little of the present.  I feel this is a story I need to share because it's something I struggle with every day.

Way back when, around 2002, when I was a freshmen....

(not my freshman year, but close to that age)

I was taking a Weights class to avoid normal P.E.  One fateful day I was doing lunges across the room holding a medicine ball.  All of a sudden, mid-lunge, my knee just gave out.  No reason, no explanation, no warning.  It hurt but it was a "pop some advil" hurt for the rest of my school day.  I got home and told my parents what happened and did the normal thing.  Iced it, took that advil, and went to bed.  By the next morning my knee was swollen and I could barely bend it.  Lets not focus on the part where I liked to exaggerate injuries as a younger kid for attention.  This was a legit injury but I still couldn't pinpoint what actually happened the day before.  That day was just the first in a long line of days filled with pain, confusion, and trials I didn't know I could handle.

Fast forward 4 months.  After relentless complaints, a doctors appointment was finally made to see what might have happened.  After a few normal doctor appointments, poking, prodding, and everything else, the tests started piling up.  I had x-rays, an MRI, and a few other tests done.  Still, nothing was coming of all the time and money spent.  I was finally sent to a knee specialist to look at my tests and to poke and prod even more.  This particular doctor was the man who had done my dad's first knee replacement so I had high hopes!

How to explain the emotions of a 14 year old who was told "I'm sorry but I just can't figure out what's wrong with you."  I'm still very young at this point in time.  I didn't know that a doctor could say such an awful thing.  I was hurt and horribly confused.  I didn't really handle the situation very well but I kept it bottled up more than people think.

From there, we tried all kinds of alternative medicine.  Pain clinics, to chiropractors, to acupuncture, to all kinds of weird stuff.  I can appreciate that some stuff works for some people but it started to get WAY too far out there for me and nothing was coming from it.  Just pain meds and more heads shaking at the conundrum that is my knee.

In 2004 we finally went to another knee specialist that came highly recommended.  To this day that man will always be my hero in my knee journey.  We sat down, he looked at all my records I brought with me, my tests, and pictures....  He looked up and said, "you've done everything else, let's open you up!" I had never heard such sweet words.  I was tired of being awake for the poking and prodding!  My parents asked me to think about it before I chose to go that route.  Surgery is a permanent alteration to your body and if it's not absolutely necessary then I needed to think long and hard.  For me, it was an easy decision.  I was tired of no answers.  Tired of constantly hitting walls.

Surgery went well, I woke up in all sorts of expected pain.  BAD NEWS.  There was nothing inside my knee to indicate the pain and issues I had now dealt with for 2 years.  I had to learn to deal with it.  Physical therapy combined with a summer working for a Boy Scouts of America camp gave me my full range of motion back which was a surprise to my therapist.  From this point, I learned pain management rather than healing.  This issue is undiagnosed.

I had to give up ballet, I forced my way through marching band but gave it up after high school instead of pursuing through college.  I was broken.  My loves were taken from me in an unfair situation and I was not a terribly understanding person about it.

YEARS later (give or take 2007ish) I check in with the replacement knee guy *for my dad's knee guy* to start checking it out yet again.  Dead ends left and right.  I accepted my fate.  I would live with this forever, undiagnosed.  More pain management for the few months here and there when I had health insurance.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAND to 2013.

 Susan G Komen 5k

Ugly Sweater 5k

Last year I decided I was tired of my pain.  Tired of the restrictions in my life.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could fight this.  (WAY too many years too late)  I started to become active from a completely lazy lifestyle.  I was feeling good!  I started the c25k program but had to stop because of a hip issue.  BUT!  I've been walking like crazy!  Miles upon miles logged, weekdays, weekends, at work, at home, 5ks, etc!  I am loving it! (but I'm still dealing with pain every day)

Jan 1st.  SO excited about the newest Shrinking Jeans challenges happening.  And I've been doing AMAZING if I do say so myself.  I'm currently down 9.8lbs in 3 weeks and until today, I've been doing all the different parts of the challenge.

Here's where it all ties in.  **sorry it took so long to get here!!!**  I have injured my knee in the last few days.  It's a combination of my old (never diagnosed, never healed) injury as well as this new injury.  My world came crumbling down this morning when I woke up and could barely move my knee.  I've been in tears all day.

I am absolutely terrified that it's going to be high school all over again.  Doctor after doctor, people telling me that I have to stop what I love.  I don't want to give up my new love for working out.  I am broken inside and out.  After all these years, I never learned real strength from the injury, I only learned to live with it.  I may be overreacting, but I don't think I am.  I'm in for a bumpy road ahead and I am hoping that I am able to at least continue to walk even if I have to give everything else up.

Wed Weigh in #3

What a week it has been and it's only Wednesday!  I'm exhausted so I'll keep it short and as simple as possible!

Here's my daily goals sheet from last week!

I am pretty happy with my overall performance!  I could have written more posts, but I got 2 in and that's more than the 1 I'm shooting for!  I also slacked on my water on Saturday... BUUUUUUT I still got in at least 64oz!

My last post was about walking for Meg Menzies and since then, they've come up with a virtual 5k as well as the I *stickman figure* 4 meg shirts!  **click on the Megs Miles link**  If anyone's interested please check out the links!!!  

Last week's mini challenge was to keep a food menu and stick to it.  Here's the results!  Some recipes can be found on my recipe blog (link on the right hand side!) and if there isn't one, feel free to ask and I'll type it up for you!

On to tooting my own horn!  Because I honestly don't participate in that one often!

• Toot #1 - I honestly don't miss fast food.
• Toot #2 - I've hit a 5% weight loss!!!  (maybe I SHOULD have signed up for that dietbet!)

 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND the moment you're all waiting for (and some/most have already seen) *drumroll*

My weigh in!  I'm now down 9.8lbs!  Somehow my crazy MyFitnessPal acct has the wrong starting weight and it thinks I've lost 10.5 but that's ok!  I know in my heart that I've lost 10 pounds and that's HALF of my lose 10% goal!!!

I could have never made it this far without the love and support of family and friends!  I'm so blessed to have people in my life that are willing to recognize I'm trying to make a change and they understand.

Last but not least, I want to share my "fridge" picture from the #sisterhoodshots challenge!

I've been asked to think about sharing my prep ideas as well as possible menu planning ideas so you might see stuff like this in the future in Scary's Kitchen!!! :)

As always, thanks for the support and thanks for visiting!  Finish out the week strong and take some time for yourself this weekend!